created: Sunday, July 20, 2003, 6:08:55 PM

for sure...

You know, i have something here to confess and for sure you'll think twice and wonder if this is true...
but i dont care!!!
what matters... i've told you so,..
now, here it goes...
before you felt something for me,
i've already cried for you,
because i can't understand what i really wanted to happen.
Selfishly, I wanted you to be mine but i dont want you to have me...
as good as...
i wanted to care and love you but i wanted you to just care and not to love me...
i don't know why..
maybe my stupid answer would be...
i don't want somebody as perfect as you...
as manly look as you...
matured enough as you and
handsome as you... AheM!
well, obviously.....
imperfect for me is FINE!
(.'_'.),...
because
absolutely................ im the most IMPERFECT HUMAN..
but.....
STILL
(shy)
iloveyou...
aHhhhhhhhhh!!!
y did i told you so..
its okay...
sometimes..
while we're having some conversations.....
you ask why im like that?
it look's like something different..
but i insist NOTHING!!!..
im always like this, you just didnt notice it before..
but i knew in me...
i cant explain something im feeling..
it was surely strange....
so....
then...
when you say goodbye it's like
u're leaving me..
and im trying to picture it out how would it be if in time we have to bade our GOODBYES...
i ddnt wanted it to happend..
i just wanted to die
and not to exist anymore..




You know,,
there's really a problem that i cant really say to you nor to anyone...
that's why everytime i have to think of you...
i just drowned myself in tears...
and left my body to let my sou getl out of it...

i needed someone who will understand what i have here in my heart..
when i die i wanted my heart to be opened and be studied..
i promise you..
you'll see yourself der..

ei, know wt..
im dreaming and longing for you..
i wanted you.
the problem is i have nothing to prove you...
i have no Gutts to show off
coz ive got nothing to give you...
i have nothing
and youre complete...
everything's different....

pls try to understand..
dont let this hard for me.. u'v been to the point that you've hurted me so much..
and im not even a hard rock that you can throw many times...

you didntknow how hard things to me and im really really dperessed...

ithink these are enogh..
i hated myself
but still
i wanted to turn my back and not to look at you anymore..
you really dont belong to my bloody heart...
but there's onli thing for sure..
you can be seen in my HYPOTHALAMUS any time...
that's a promise that will never be broken...
i hate having promises but mostly i know.. once u did ur into it and you gotta do make it..

Wednesday, December 10, 2003, 7:16:49 PM

this

I actually do not know why I am here in front of this computer doing an article without due demand by my professor. Maybe because I was amused of the article which Kaye, a friend of mine, did two days ago. It was a phenomenology of her life, it is stated there how life evolves having a mom from a far away place and living with her lovely grandparents. However, I am not doing the same of what she did. All I wanted is to compose an article about what I feel right now, what I want to let you know, what I have experienced and everything I want you to read.
I am not familiar with all English words, I swear! I do not even know some of them, though I use it. You can call me stupid but I really was not able to bear the meaning of those. So, guys,, dont worry, =) English words here are those who are only familiar with you. Now, you have to waste your time reading this, okay.
Hmm... You know what?! I am destruct with everything, and I cannot leave it all behind. No worries can get out off my head. I am so confused. I do not know where to go and hide myself.
When, I was just a kid, I love to go everywhere, experience everything, grasp every little thing I see, look up in the sky and point the brightest star, play outside with friends, dream to be a princess, give joy to my aunts and uncles, do craziest things, and the usual things kids do. I was totally bubbly, jolly and outstanding. They just have fun when I am there. My playmates call me "crying baby", because I used to cry a lot even to things that are not a big deal. Yeah, sometimes they do no want to play with me because of that attitude. However, anything happens, still, were all playmates again. I remember when my uncle from Italy went to our home. I was just staying in our room then suddenly I came out then dance in front of him, as my skirt was falling down after that I run back to our room.
When I grew up as a young adolescent, I became shy. Shy of standing in front of people, putting myself to embarrassment, showing them what I have and been wronged. However, all of a sudden when I enjoy the crowd, I easily adopt things and learn to associate with every people I meet. It’s so nice to begin like that because people will trust you and they’ll keep on holding on what they believe, who really you are. Then you will make them realize that what they see from you is what they get.

Thursday, September 18, 2003, 4:10:50 PM

how can i

How can i explain to you, that I didn’t lie. I've told you what's true but it isn’t for you. I may not be the one you really like, but i promise to light up your night. I’ll be what you deserve, but i can never change the reality that I'm totally, what you see. It's hard because i know that never will it happen finding in me, similar to what you glimpse in your dreams. It has been too long since I have hidden myself from you. And it will be hard for me to let see what I really hide inside. I never wanted you to go, but whenever I hesitate to come, for you to have me for a while, I think slowly I’m pushing you away, letting you go and turning off my back.
I cannot forgive myself, denying how I love you.
I’m hopelessly hooked of the love I sense to have.
Help me. Can you please go and set me free. Take the love im giving of.
Then, I’ll close my eyes as I leave and bade goodbye.

created: Sunday, July 20, 2003, 5:14:07 PM

...it was hard...

i've dreamt of a person beforebut that person was very unfamiliar,but still we talk..until the next morning as i woke up and see the sun shines,i had my hot bath and rush to school..there i had with me my friend, then, as my friend dialled her phone without knowing whose phone number' s that and started to say somethingi didnt thought that,that call will be mine.then ive talked with that person about everything until we saidgoodbye for now...after that it was followed by long conversationsuntil an unexpected thing happened,i know possibly this would not work, and i'm worried to hurt him.. but it just came tobe like that..i kept silent and i didnt react.i just turn my back and cry..without letting him know what i really had here inside..he cant understand why im acting this way..still i did..i tried to spoke few words..and nothing more..how can i broke somebody's heart while im here breaking too mine...ill let him go and what he did was the same.....